Caveman Cuisine: Flint Chips
Am I the only one offended by the gross misrepresentation of Paleo foisted upon the American populace by the overlords at Post Foods?
That's right, Post Foods, the people who have since 1971 been selling "Pebbles" (both of the "Fruity" and "Cocoa" variety) with the image of a caveman right on the front of the box.
As far as I am aware, Fred Flintstone ate things like my Roasted Beef Ribs (or were they Brontosaurus ribs?), ran around completely barefoot (no Vibrams on those three toed feet), wore an animal skin loincloth, and was in all (mostly inaccurate) ways, the consummate caveman. He wouldn't have been caught dead eating artificially flavored rice crisps (even though they're now advertised as "gluten free"). I am also highly dubious that his friend and fellow caveman Barney would have violated the social order of their tribe just to steal a bowl of such a breakfast food. Well, I intend to right this wrong.
The original "working title" for Fruity Pebbles was "Flint Chips" (they also came up with "Rubble Stones", but I'll be stealing that in a later post), so my first order of business is to co-opt that moniker for my own purposes. I'm then going to make my Flint Chips out of whole food ingredients that offer nutrition without the need for added vitamins and minerals. Finally, I'm going to eat it out out of a bowl topped with organic full fat coconut milk and almond milk.
Let's forget for a moment that my reimagining of a Paleo cereal uses varieties of fruit never known to paleolithic humans, sources ingredients from geographically disparate locales that would have exceeded any early human's ability to travel or trade, and is eaten in the comfort of a air conditioned room free of parasites and predators. Rather, let's focus on what makes this version of a caveman's breakfast food superior to the fake stuff that comes in a brightly colored box.
First, here is what you will find in each and every bite of Fruity Pebbles:
INGREDIENTS: Rice, Sugar, Partially Hydrogenated Sunflower Oil, Corn Syrup, Salt, Contains Less Than 0.5% of Natural and Artificial Flavor, Turmeric, Oleoresin, Yellow #6, Red #40, Yellow #5, Blue #1, Blue #2, BHT
Sounds like a Yabba Dabba Don't doesn't it?
Then, check out the ingredients in my Flint Chips:
INGREDIENTS: 1/4 cup organic coconut flakes, 1 organic gala apple (chopped), 1 tbsp organic raisins, pinch cinnamon, 1oz chopped Baker's chocolate, 2 tbsp hazelnuts (chopped)
Oh yeah, that's definitely a Yabba Dabba Do!